Water Your Worth

“I don’t know how to not help.”, was my response when being told I didn’t need to fold the laundry. I said this with both ease and a slight bit of comedy as this has been my life full time for the past four years and I have been a built in helper since I was ten.

My mom was a single mother for a lot of my childhood and so I was always helping with laundry, yard work, the horses and dogs and then when I was ten my mom had her second child and I immediately stepped in to the extra responsibilities of being the oldest and big sister. I loved it, felt like I was contributing and was a natural. As I became a teen, I still took care of my responsibilities while also rebelling a bit with testing some limits as I started struggling with not having my own childhood, you could say. As an adult I found that I was just picking up after others a lot – putting shopping carts away, picking up trash in green spaces, cleaning up around office common areas… again just came naturally. So, when I got the push and divine guidance to step outside of my current scope to help more or something, I wasn’t sure and still not sometimes (haha), it just made sense.

It has now been about four years and around eighty (give or take) places that I have lived at through my nomad days and every one of them has some thing that I was able to help out with, even if it was just picking up trash in a small over night space.

There is always something to contribute to the greater good, energy is everywhere and in everything. You don’t have to be wealthy to be generous and for whatever reason God has made me to be a helper in this way for now. I literally am not able to half ass something or just leave things bad – if I see that something needs to be done, it usually doesn’t take much to do and leave things better, even if it is just putting a cart back so it is not in a parking spot.

There was a time when I was told by my partner at the time, that I helped out so much because I needed to be wanted and appreciated. I will be honest that at first it stung and then I sat with it and asked if that is what I was doing… But, no. It turns out that one of my gifts is just being a helper. How was I able to discern this and not get caught up in the negative portrayal? I asked God and I tuned in to how it felt. It literally feels like I am doing a disservice by taking any shortcuts in cleaning, not picking up something or helping out when I see something needs to be done. Some of us are just natural helpers and are gifted with this trait as part of adding to the greater good. As I felt encouraged to type this out I was also reminded internally that God made woman to be just that, a helper. Now, before anyone gets turned by what I just said let me continue…

God made humans to be caretakers of all that He created, it was too much for man alone and so woman was made to be by his side and help with God’s greatness. Both walked side by side with God until they were turned against God and each other. This is a much deeper and greater topic that I have peppered in through a few of my posts and will save for the deeper topics portion of this site. Post a comment if you would like to go further in to this as I have been talking with God about this deep wound for a while now and continue to get lots of beautiful and healing insight.

So! As stated at the beginning, I literally do not know how to not help. It seems so simple to me and yes of course there is an element of satisfaction when done and appreciated, but I do all that I do for God and His greatness. After all, He is the only one that actually sees it ALL and one of my favorite things is when I do something and it is just between He and I.