Water Your Worth

As a child I loved Christmas time, as a young adult I fell in to the party side and now as a mother… well, I will share that with you also.

I grew up in between two families my whole life, since two, and I never felt like I belonged to either or any. Christmas was a time where I felt more special because of the focus on the gifts and treats and because I had to rotate holidays with each parent, I got two Christmas’! Even though it was fun to have two… I always longed for traditions of my own that were stable and regular. Because I never felt like I had a foundation with any family, I sought out attention in other ways – ways that I would be embarrassed to share as it was a disgrace to the daughter God made me to be – but! Thank God Jesus has washed me and I am who I am now!

At one point in my adulting I realized how the supposed holiday season is really an over saturated commercial corporate agenda and because I had two families to think of… I was constantly increasing my credit card debt to “keep up” with the image of the season. Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love giving gifts sometimes to a fault because I would rather get gifts for others anytime and always over caring about debt but it was getting out of hand. So, one year I sent an email out to the main heads of the families and said that I just could not do it anymore and that I not only could not give gifts but that I would not expect any in return. The year before I decided not to take part in Thanksgiving anymore. I opted to deliver meals and gather things that I saw some people needed that were under bridges in the city over choosing which family to awkwardly attempt to be part of.

The Christmas I decided to leave everything behind to find a deeper life with God I was in the middle of my longest water feasts (aka fast) and I was living in my car deep in Mexico where I was sweating profusely and resting in between reading a book that translated terms and stories in the Bible to Laymen terms. I had just left everyone and let go of all connections and while it was a good foundation for the enemy to get in, I chose to dive deeper into my purpose and remember the tiny miracles that took place along the way that confirmed and nudged my steps. I had already given up on the whole facade of the Christmas season and knew it was time to step in to a new to me version of me but a version of me that God actually made me to be. The Christmas that came next was in a land that thrived on partying and while I did my best to not participate as much as it was invited… I did participate during this invite of Christmas partying. I enjoyed learning about other culture’s ways of doing things as we held a Polish focused theme amongst Ticos. In some ways it brought us closer and yet at the end of it all there was a greater rift – alcohol, drugs, gifts, parties are not unifiers. The Christmas after my son’s birth was a strange and stressful time for many reasons. I was being told to do some really deep not easy research while taking care of a new life and discovering motherhood, trying to keep us (my child and I) safe while we were illegal and the door was being knocked at every week… I was also being told things to deter me from the season – things that are indeed true but also not things that a new mom needs to focus on and with the intentions being done in a way to try to sway my faith. The truth is that this world has manipulated all that is good and darkness has indeed gotten its hands on it and used these massive times where everyone around the world join in some energy to their advantage – get people focusing on parties, material things and how to keep up with the picture perfect image instead of seeking God and remembering why we are here.

I had been doing my own researches and discoveries on top of the ones I was being assigned and there were things that started to confuse me even more. Why did we celebrate Christmas on December 25th when Christ was not born on that day? Why did we bring trees in and decorate them when the Bible said not to and where did that even come from when there were not any Douglas Fir trees in Bethlehem? And then santa?!? All of these flashing distractions and ways to escape, the extreme focus on the material, the stress and the me me MINE mentality are so far from the the Light and connection with our God and our Savior that is needed. I recently asked a fellow brother in Christ about this and his response was that it is about the intention more than the things and then he decided to narrow in on that and send me all sorts of findings about where all these things come from and why it is okay to celebrate all of this. While I appreciated the insights I was also looking at and feeling things out on my own because it still just did not sit fully with me. Now, remember, I have literally craved tradition my entire life. Every relationship that I thought would be long lasting I asked for something we could do yearly to make it a tradition and nothing, not even the guys, stuck but what has stuck and just gotten stronger is my relationship with God and Jesus. I have learned to not just jump on wagons because that is what others are doing and saying and honestly I can see just how valuable it is to God that I/we live the way we do for now so that I stand firm in His foundation and needs for me.

So! As a mom, my first thing was that I am not doing santa in my family. It does not make sense to me to lie to my child or create tales that have been warped and take the focus away from the true intention of this season. I also do not feel the need to do decorations or even gifts. I made a dedication to myself and my child that we would draw closer and closer to and with Christ and I take that seriously as I tested my own life more than necessary and it is just no longer worth testing especially as I have a new life to help into their existence.

Here are some things I discovered about all of these holiday things though: Santa was commercialized and used for the corporate agendas with good(ish) intentions after a man that redeemed a sainthood reputstion called Saint Nicholas – he was a very generous and helpful man that did not want his generosity known so he dropped gifts down chimneys in the middle of night for his beneficiaries. The tree was something the dutch started with the idea that the star or angel at the top was significant of the leading unto the baby Jesus. I have heard some people say that we give gifts to represent the wise men that brought gifts to the baby Jesus in praise and worship to the new king. And another said that the parties and decorations are to remind us of the joy of our Lord’s life. Now, I am not saying any of this is wrong if that is what you base your holiday season and family togetherness on. I am only coming from my own family which is now just me and my child with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Just as with my pregnancy and even in being a mother, I want to take things super old school and focus on creating a solid foundation for us because I need it and because I know how easy it can be to slide off into other ways when there is not that in place. [And just an extra side note: I was in love with Jesus as a girl and have a connection with the spiritual realm but it was not supported or fostered as I needed, the people I was supposed to look up to were not solid or consistent with me and when I was inappropriately touched at early ages I was not protected. When I became a young youth I was fondled while at a church function and that is when the devil won for a little while in my life and I believed I was something that I was not and “played” in that character (you could say) until I couldn’t anymore and God said that I was right on time and we began the journey together.]

Forgive me for the raw details but, I know that a lot more of us have faced this kind of manipulation and that it is our Father’s greatest joy to return to Him and to be in His image as He decided He needed us in His great creation. And just as I know the darkness of this world and the spiritual realm, I also know how important it is that I hold firm the foundation for my child.

So, what is a Holy day? Why this Holiday season? And what can be done Everyday to strengthen the joy and light of the true gift of life that Jesus is for us all?

The Holiest day I know is the Resurrection. It is through the resurrection that we are saved and know of the victory in Jesus Christ. From what I am receiving in my prayers and seeking of comprehending the Christmas holiday is needed in this time of the calendar year because it is a dark time of the year, it is a time when joy and connection is needed and yes if the focus is on Christ truly then it is better. December, in a lot of the world, is cold and dark with short days of light and the onset of seasonal depression easily sinks in to more than most will acknowledge. So yes, I get it from a personal and worldly perspective. However, I believe there needs to be a greater shift in to the realness of that over the material that it has become. Christ taught us to be the light of the world and help light up through the darkness, to be humble and to love one another ALWAYS. As I seek to be more in alignment with Him, I have come to a tradition that I want to create and continue with my child with Him in mind and in teaching my child about His life during this season. Jesus wasn’t scared to go to those that were hurting, lost and broken – that is what He is all about, bringing life into the lifeless, joy into the dark and connection to the severed. If we could all truly focus on that more then the dark would not be able to take over. Every day we can give thanks for His life, we can acknowledge his birth and his resurrection each day and we can stand firm in the glory of God’s miraculous life as often as possible.

This world, our societies and the overwhelming effect of all the medias do not make it easy to establish this kind of shift but that is why it is considered the narrow gate and why we need to rely on Him to strengthen us in our weakness. Humanly speaking it is tough but with God everything is possible.

While this blog post is probably triggering or provoking along with being deeply personal, my reasons for writing are to encourage us to think more about the kingdom. Here are some small things that can be done: Tune in to see if you are escaping life, following some other traditions or ideas without knowing why, check your light – have you let it be dimmed by others? Is there something that you see needs to be done to add life and joy to this world? What comes to you is meant for you and you are meant to instill it during this time. We all have our parts to play in God’s great creation or else He would not have thought us in to His life. Take a moment and ask God how you can contribute. Listen to what is brought in to the rushing of your heart and that soft exhale of peace, then take small steps in that direction – every little impact is a worthy impact and creates a ripple into greater steps and others along the way.

There is indeed a reason for the season and it is also the reason to living. Let’s connect and celebrate in His beautiful, perfect life and how He has given us the Way to live and to be saved from all sin now and everyday!

Thank you for taking the time to read. Please reach out if there is any way that I may be able to pray for you or if I might add some assistance in ways to connect on this level.