Water Your Worth

Waking from a night of disruptive “dreaming” I stated this to the atmosphere, the dream, my ex, the spirit realm and God almighty. I have said it a few times to people when asked if I would date again, “Unless Jesus places the man in front of me and says, “This one I have for you.” then no, I’m not interested.”. This declaration of choosing Jesus is one of the final weeding out from my mind, heart and life soil.

Some of you are going to roll your eyes as I state this and some of you will appreciate the confirmation. The spirit realm is real, demons are real, witches are real, darkness is real, angels (God’s and the enemy’s) are real and the blood of Jesus is very real. I am able to state this as facts because the bible says so and out of personal experience. Ever since childhood, I was aware of the spirit realm. I was able to actually discern when dark spirits were nearby and know of the shielding of guardian angels. Even when I stepped off of the proper path and played in the darkness, Jesus was still with me and keeping me from going in to the dark all the way. He watched me and kept me from death and too much harm, He knew that I would return and that He had plans for me (as He does for us all).

Right before giving away all my things, disconnecting from all I had, had made and all I knew I hit a wall in life. Only God could help clean me up, redirect me and my life and bring me back to whom I was made to be. Now, this is no small feat this was a complete overhaul from what the world and all the spirit realm involvements that had taken hold of my life in some form or just been ever lingering. While being able to discern and know the spirit realm is a gift in some ways, if it is not fostered and operated properly it is put in the wrong hands and the gift is used and not for any gain in the greater good of all but to take the one with the gift away from their intended path. Once I realized what God was doing and how much He loved me regardless I had a collapsing meditated prayer moment where I fell in to the deepest repentance of all that I had done to my body, how I strayed and the time I wasted in my life… “You are right on time.”, was our Father’s response to my ugly blabbering cry of disgust in myself.

So, I started the process of peeling away the stuff of my existence. I followed when told to leave and invited His presence to take over every bit of me, all my interactions and whatever my future needed to be. While all this is happening the spirit realm doesn’t just step back and say, ‘welp, there she goes’ and just wave you on your way in to the restructuring of your life. No, the spirit realm doesn’t stop especially when you were once a means for them to be involved with others. There becomes this dance of sorts – a one step forward and two steps back until the steps forward start to be bigger and the convictions quicker and when you are able to fully comprehend how the name of Jesus truly is the only one that makes the darkness shudder, He becomes the one you call on, speak to and transform for. Things that you used to find entertaining now offend you, things you used to do you want to deter as many away from as possible and you start to speak about how you are only able to carry any amount of light because of the light that He is. But! This isn’t a quick transition either because again, not only does the spirit realm know of you, they also know about the plans God has for you and they despise the one who calls you His.

During my journeying, I obviously got a little lost again as I am a mother now. I fell for a guy whom I thought might have been the one that God had for me and was on a journey like mine but turned out that he was a distraction from my own journey, a manipulator and a facade. While there was obviously some attraction that made it possible, I came to realize that he had a demon with him (knowingly or not, I am still not sure) and he was indeed placed in my path to stop me from continuing on the becoming I needed to do. I fell for it, I allowed it and I even made a child with it… but, what was intended for harm and destruction God used for His glory and good. While the spirit realm knew the images I had received and tried to use them to their favor, they did not take in to consideration that I would know that God is the one that planted a child of His with me. God knew that while some would see it as an anchor to the man, that I would be woken up, empowered and choosing an anchor far greater… Jesus.

Those of you that are not aware of the spirit realm personally I am going to let you in on something… spirit realm is bigger than you know, it is intertwined through all of existence and has an internet (you could say) of its own. So, even when choosing Jesus and stepping away from the danger of that living the spirit realm talks and others present themselves, monitor and report back. The closer you get to Jesus the more they will try and they may never stop but you yourself get stronger, Jesus get’s bigger in you and your life and your ability to stand confidently in the king of kings is palpable.

So why did I state, “I choose Jesus over you” yet again? Because recently I had a backwards moment. A mutual person brought up some changes in my exes life. I was happy for him and let that person know that I always pray for and love him but that I do not waste my life on him anymore, but I did, I took the bait and I looked. It was only briefly but it was enough to be interaction with in the spirit realm. Right before going to sleep I received a notification from Pastor Vlad saying, “Demons don’t need your permission, they just need participation”, the Holy Spirit was convicting me and directing me to stop immediately. I had already participated enough to catch the attention again though, so that night I experienced a wave of the past in dreams. I woke disoriented and ashamed. I repented and spoke out declaring that I will continually choose Jesus, I wept for the defiling I allowed yet again to the life I am and the temple I want to be for Christ my King. I very quickly started covering my child and I with the the blood of Jesus and then clearing out all the pictures, notes and other memory remnants.

I had been so strong but got triggered but I know real love now and I won’t go back. I know that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that I have purpose in who I am and being a mom and I know there is nothing in all creation that can take the love that God has for me through Jesus Christ away. Thank God I do.

This is not only a declaring and confirming on my end but a pruning and continuing on our Father’s end. You see a flower cannot bloom when it has toxic material mixed in with the fertile soil, it cannot flourish and multiply when there are weeds surrounding it and it cannot create a pleasing aroma to the gardener without opening up fully. So, while others play in the field, I want to root myself around the Kingdom and I want to be so radiant of His love that others are drawn to its gates too. In closing, you knew I read the word, your knew I was baptized and spoke His name and now I am fully declaring and firmly anchoring publicly – I choose Jesus over you.