Water Your Worth

I have been saying for a few years now that I am writing a book and at one point I did have a manuscript with a few hybrid publishing options available buuuut the story wasn’t finished nor fully accurate – I was painting more roses than reality. This book is still in progress and in fact was started all over again. While I love writing and getting things out the actual book part is much more of an ordeal.

You see… I am writing an inspirational memoir and while I have the basis easy enough to throw out there a real nice book, one that most want to sink in to and stay up just to finish a chapter takes all the details. Don’t you agree? So, I find myself going through the depths of my life in my mind and inviting it to flow as best possible through my fingers into typing. Sometimes it seems like a lot gets done while other times it is like I am grinding my teeth to get it out. Then there is reading and re-organizing and adding more in to the story… it can take a lot.

I was recently adding more details into my history of who I was and it was painful to visit again while also being quite invigorating to see how much real healing I have done with satisfaction with even who I am now. What happened though, I was not prepared for. I had gotten pretty solid with deflecting the darkness and even holding light through dreams at night but as I shared some pretty traumatic moments as a youth my character in my dreams was shaken as well and I felt the horror of who I was and what I allowed as I slept. I woke two days in a row in just disgust and repentance and praying for greater strength in who I am and who I am becoming to be able to stand firmly even against the attacks through dreams. The third morning I woke with tears of joy as our God provided what I needed – He kept me anchored securely and as the dark world tempted I not only stood firm but spoke up and walked out. I am sure there will be more of these that come up as a life story is filled with more than we represent on our cover, but He is continuing to remind me and uphold me as I seek Him through it all.

The most beautiful this is that He never ever left me while I was rebelling against my existence and instead He just simply loved me more. Gosh what a great Father we have!

If any of you have a friend that has written blogs or books on their life in some form, please please make sure to give them a hug, a coffee or flowers to just let them know that you see them and acknowledge how intense that kind of vulnerability is. As for you, remember that your story matters to Him who made you and you are worth the way He sees you, the beyond this world way that He sees you and never forget that He hears you when you pray – so never stop.