Water Your Worth

“… and if He has called you to write, then He will also make a way for provision through it.”, was just one of the encouraging sentences that I received from a fellow brother in response to my asking if my blogsite could shared around. So, I get the laptop back out and while I have paused on the book I need to keep writing and being obedient in God’s calling.

We had two sits that were only five days each and when the time at one space is smaller I tend to keep all of our clothes in the bags and rotate a couple of things to wear that way I do not need to do a full on packing again upon moving and this time I also left my laptop packed away – I should have been writing but I have just hit a wall and needed to fall apart a little in these two spots. Through our very different way of living we have received a lot of input and separation. I don’t blame anyone as I totally get it. Thankfully I have an angel that has been placed in our path that has helped us out when there are no sits or needed assistance, unfortunately all that I had been keeping inside welled up out of me and to our dear friend after helping us get a place to just care for ourselves and with the encouragement of belief in who I am with the added notes that I needed to find employment and stability. I felt awful unleashing all that was in me in response as she has stayed in our lives and been a big cheerleader and knows all I have been putting in to all that we have done. Here is the truth and why I blew up. I started applying for work before I left my work, I never stopped applying for work when I also was attempting to sale water machines, I picked up whatever work I could to give us shelter, food and any kind of money. I have taught english online, I have taken care of kids, walked dogs, cleaned houses and sold all my valuables. I give my all to everywhere we are because I know that there is purpose in the positionings and that I am not only showing my son how to do things well but I am also doing kingdom work because most things I do people don’t always notice and I don’t share all the little details of love given to their homes and pets. I give my all even when we are not in a sit – hotel rooms are left orderly, trash is picked up at parks and always put things back in place. This is all valuable work and while I may not have it all together based on how society views me; I know that I am doing my best and that God sees all and has purpose in it all.

In some ways I am being disobedient to my Father in heaven because He has told me what He wants me to do and yet I feel all the pressures from everyone else that I feel I have to continue proving to them that I am doing what I can to get work and stability but I literally cannot force it. I have been asked, “I don’t you just stay somewhere?” once, and while I know where their heart is, it just is not something I can do. Even when we were being paid for housesits I think the most I had on me for our lives was a couple grand and while that can get us by for a little bit it isn’t much and we have to get to next jobs, food and any time in between. Our last sit, I found myself crumpling in to a ball on the ground bawling asking for new life in our life, a way where the seems to be no way, answers to what to do and how and my sweet son just hugs me and says, “it’s okay mama.” as he wipes my tears asking me to stop crying. I sat in this state for a moment but then God shows me that I need to redirect my focus and see better. The next day, I hear my son giving thanks for all that we have and have available to us and then he looks at me and says, “I’m praying for you mama.” and I am reminded that this is most important. To know God, to give thanks and to trust in Him. I had recently shared a little short on my youtube channel about this and the previous messages received and felt some of the weight lifted as God was working through my son to remind me of Him. You see when I first returned to the states with my son and was starting the online business with the water machines, I never stopped looking or trying to do more because I am well aware of what is needed and yet God kept telling me, “Let Me.”. I know God is our provider and is using me for His glory and yet the weight of the world still hit hard especially when there are scams all over the place and a continuous stream of input in how to do things and what I am not doing based on people’s own views and life involvement instead of taking a moment to just realize, ‘Wow she is actually doing a lot and somehow God is making her look like she is not going through so much and her child is doing really really well… how is this possible?’

So, we have been blessed by this caring angel in our lives and she not only allowed me to have my explosion but she agreed that it needed to happen, she still believes in me and is grateful to be able to help us in this current space which is actually our first time to have an actual space that is for us for this moment. I want to be do sure that I am in alignment with our Father in order to make sure we can move forward in our lives. I know better than most that nothing happens unless He says so and if He does not want something to happen then it doesn’t, this is especially true when you are walking on a big faith journey with Him and for Him. I have had opportunities come up that seemed like a good fit and was told that it would happen and then they literally just disappear, I have had situations where I was confirmed payment and then was lied to and never got paid, I have some times when we just had five dollars available and yet somehow we had enough food for that time and some random person gave funds to help us get to where we needed to be next and I have been on the wrong path and had God very clearly tell me that I needed to stop and realize that He is the one holding everything.

The beginning message of the quote from the top was this, “I truly believe God honors obedience, and…”, and I also heard another key message of, “Jesus didn’t scramble around looking for a part time job to fund His ministry…” and if we as believers, followers and shepherds are to be more and more like Jesus then trusting in God’s purpose and direction for our lives has to be something we also do and without worry. I remind myself often how I went through pregnancy and birth with God and no doctors at all, how when we needed dinner money was just on the ground for us and the simple fact that He has never left me.

I am sharing all this because I believe in transparency and that it is also a necessary form of allowance to realize why I ask for support through each post I share here. I was told that I needed to write and be a mom and I have to honor that. While I am still open to other ways of funding for our lives, I have got to stay on track with writing and raising God’s child. If any of you have the ability to tithe to our lives or add support in my writing you can do so here or just know of people to share my post or site around to, please help in doing so, my circle is limited at the moment to keep my eyes fixed accordingly. Everything is so greatly appreciated and felt. I know that God has purpose in each of us and I believe that most of us can relate, even a little, when it is relayed that we are meant to do something with our lives. I believe that now is the time that we absolutely need to honor these callings and if there is anyway that I can encourage any of you, I want you to know that you are worthy of life and that your role in His perfect picture is totally needed.

Thank you for your time, I know this one is a bit longer and also maybe not as entertaining but it had to be done. May God be with you and bless you in all you do.