Water Your Worth

This post is pretty vulnerable but I feel even more relatable and necessary to know by whoever comes upon it.

“I will equip you” our Father told me in prayer as I sat asking how… how am I going to raise your child that you blessed me with, how is this all going to work out and whyyyyy during this time in this broken world…? Most of the time we hope for very real instructions from our Father like, ‘Yes, I will give you a car and you will then find a home and everything will work out.’ but instead we get these one liners – “pray”, “give”, “turn left”, “turn right”, “write”, “let go”… and this was one of those moments where I wanted more and I get the “I will equip you”. Now, at the time I knew it but it wasn’t until we continued on our journey living out of a suitcase where it started to really sink in.

I am on this very real Abrahamic journey to know and share God more, adding a child has been the greatest blessing and the hardest challenge. Continuing this journey with my child was to break cycles and start new with our Father and while that is very necessary it is also a lot of work. When I was traveling on my own I worked in hostels and slept in hammocks with one main bag that seemed big at the time but is nothing compared to traveling with a child and doing my best to make sure he has a little bit of everything. However, I allowed a man to distract me which I go back and forth in my mind about often on if it was a distraction or divine appointment; what I do know for sure though is that I needed to get to the point where I sought out my true love more than men and had to put an end to the series of cycles in our families. God equipped me. He equipped me to be strong enough to make a change, He equipped me to know better, He equipped me to seek Him more and more and… He equipped me to not give up.

So many times I have said to strangers and friends alike, “There is no way I am doing any of this without Jesus.” and it is sooo very very true. I was recently told by a friend who has stayed in touch through the years that I needed to give myself some credit also and I just can’t, I know that it is all God and that he deserves all the glory of who and how we are. Then there are those times when I feel the enemy trying to creep in my mind and break me down having even the faintest of wants to just stop it all… only to have my attention brought to my son and know that there is absolutely no way that I will allow my son to face this world without me. Equipped.

Sometimes what we think is crushing us just needs a fresh look from how our Father might see it. You see He said that He will never leave nor forsake and He has also said that He is a jealous creator that longs for our gaze to only be on Him, seeking Him and wanting His love and presence in our lives fully again. I heard a message once that said, “God trusts you with this.”, I started bawling knowing that was exactly what He needed me to hear and cling to – trust Him as He trusts you. It is not a small blessing to give a child of His, He is entrusting a soul in our hands and a soul that He cherishes. Sometimes the battle is the fresh equipment to the real becoming. Who I am now is far from who I ever was prior to having His child. I know the importance of life, whose it is, the worth in how I hold myself and what we allow to be part of our lives. I know that even when I am breaking but refusing to give in to the lies of the enemy, I am allowing Jesus to shine through more bringing more to life than before.

Equipped. Not just for what we see or think but for what He has meant for it to be… all for His creation and great glory. It doesn’t need to make sense, that is where He steps in best – when we are able to say, “Father, I’m a mess. I don’t know how to do this and I need you to take over.” It feels uneasy at first until you start to see that His way is better. The battles are real, we have a very real enemy but the more we stand firm and hold on, the more we realize just how equipped we really are. It is time to shift the view to seeing that our life is so very important and that is the only reason why there even is a battle. So may this encourage you also to stand up and know that your life was given on purpose, you will be given what you need to stand in it and you have the greatest Father in the entire universe.