Water Your Worth

How would you feel if someone that you never knew came up and touched your head? Would be pretty strange, huh? I am going to use this post as a means for education as it seems like it just is not talked about.

My child is his own person and has his own personal space. It is my role as a guardian to also be a filter for his best and to educate him and others. Today I was so pleased because some random guy came up to my child and asked him to give him knuckles and my son looked at him rather strangely and then looked at me. This was at a place that we have been volunteering at so I introduced myself as his mom first and got the guys name and then introduced him to my child asking if he wanted to say hi with a fist bump and he said no and went back to what he was doing. This to me was huge in so many ways because I have never forced my child to give anyone attention just because they want attention from my child. From what I have seen it can establish loose boundaries allowing others to manipulate children more easily when their foundation tells them they should do something because it is the “polite” thing to do. I am so serious about this that I didn’t even hand him over to my grandma upon their first meeting but waited until he showed interest in wanting to engage.

There have been several times when I have said that I was going to start touching people’s heads when they cross the boundary and touch my baby without permission. While I have not actually physically done that, I have educated some people and it just seems like they are more offended than able to comprehend the depths of what they are doing. One lady at a church that we visited came up and touched my baby and said, “OH! I’m a grandma, I just…” I stopped her and looked right at her and said, “You aren’t our grandma, we don’t know you.” She continued to say oh well I can’t help it I’m a grandma and I just said you need to ask first before touching people. She was aghast and I am sure I was the talk of “how dare she” for her afternoon but I do not care. My child and I are our own little nuclear family and while we have been around a lot of different homes, places and people… no one should assume they can breech the invisible shield that is our own space.

Our children are so easily influenced and while it is definitely our responsibility as parents to filter what is heard, seen and felt; I also think that it would be good if other people would tune in to if there is a child around and to adjust just a little bit for a small amount of time to take responsibility for their own words and actions. There have been plenty of times when I just kept walking and didn’t make the acknowledgement of something so that my child did not pick up on it and only one time someone was walking on a sidewalk and said, “I’m sorry! I didn’t know there was a child nearby.” I actually didn’t know what they said and so just gave them appreciation for having the decency to even realize and then apologize. The same thing applies for if there is something that you might want to give to a child – always always always check with the mom first. You have no idea what the mom does and doesn’t want and it is important to make sure that you are respectful enough to ask before handing anything over, especially if you do not know the child and mom well.

I think that either in the past so many parents lost touch with their divine rights as guardians that these lines got blurred. I can say from personal experience that if the parent does not back you up and establish proper safe space then more is allowed to effect, influence and alter the child in to ways that would be harmful to their bodies and life. I realize that this is not something that most want to address or even talk about but that is why I felt it necessary to make at least a post about it so that there might be maybe a little bit more education and possibly some shift. I know that I do not have the best tact in how I approach things but one thing I am pleased with is that I have made a good start in my child knowing that he does not have to say hi to people or give them any kind of attention if he does not feel safe or want to.

There is one more part to this very important matter and ways we can adjust as a whole. If a child or any person says no to being talked to or touched – respect that and move on. One time a guy walking by tried to say hi to my baby as we passed, he was not the type that we would engage with even if we wanted to interact with anyone, so I said to my baby as I held him, “You don’t need to say hi to anyone just because they say hi.” As soon as I said this the guy had overheard me because he stayed somewhat close waiting to be talked with and he immediately went irate telling me that I was an awful woman and how dare I tell my child such a thing. My child and I carried on without any further involvement, just brushed it off and prayed. It is nothing personal or even anything to get upset about, if the invite to interact is not reciprocated then carry on.

Whew… A lot to digest and even a lot for me to share because it has been a very big journey for us in this. I do not think everyone has as much of a need to stand in this as most people are not moving and seeing as many areas as we are but it is still something I believe necessary to establish more for all. And if you are a mom and have come across some of this stuff and did not know what to do because it caught you off guard, hold your ground and stand as an officer for your child, it is your right and no one can minimize that for you.

As I have said, God doesn’t make mistakes. There is incredible worth in being a guardian for His children, will you rise to Him more or allow yourself to be influenced by the world?