As you might be able to recognize, I do my best to acknowledge and invite God into all that we do. So, it is not uncommon to pray before or during an outing. Lately, there has been a greater enhancement to the praying and this day to the park was nothing short of Godly in the ways that He works through us to be for others.

As mentioned before, I don’t actually like being addressed by my tattoos and so when I heard a mom tell her older child to let me know that her mom loved my leg I braced myself to be kind and yet focused on my playing child. But… God brought something to my attention as I was brought into two different situations that I normally would not have… a time of shifting from tattoos creating attention to allowing them to draw people in for Him. This mom was fully pregnant and had multiple kids running around and playing while she sat with her man and had some talks that I turned my head from but yet God still had something for me to do.

While we were about to sit down and finish the snack that I had packed, the mom approaches me we introduce ourselves and she tells me that this is her last while rubbing her belly and she has five already and wanted to invite us to partake of their party as there have been some kids not able to come. I gave thanks while letting her know that we were just about to finish what we had brought along and would keep that in mind and then one of her kids called her away. While eating the sandwich I put together with out last cucumber with a bagel and cream cheese from the hotel we are currently at there is a heart breaking sound that also gets my attention as a young child from a fieldtrip was attempting to run away and screaming out, “You all hate me!” The teachers were trying to talk with him and keep him from running further away, “Stop trying to bribe me!” he yells back at them. I get us finished with the sandwich a little quicker, grabbing our bag and saying, “Come on.”

Normally you would probably assume to mind your own business and carry on with your day, yeah? But, no. My heart leapt into action as I went toward the chaos of this child screaming profanity at the teachers while crying and trying to run away. I got his attention at one point and he addresses me with, “Who the F are you?!” while tears are pouring down his face, I start to talk with him asking him if he knows what his name means (Isaac) but as soon as the teachers started to come near him, he darts away from me. I talk briefly with one of the teachers and she shares with me that he is new to their program and a foster child and that he came to them with this foul language and tough mannerisms. My heart broke even more…

They seemed to be managing it so I went back to the family that I normally would have just carried on with our day from but I felt God ask me to pray over her and her family… so I followed His nudge. I went back to this mom and asked if it was okay that I prayed over her and her family and it was as if I felt her heart smile and leap as she agreed and called all the children around to hold hands and be with me as invited the Lord into and around this family. As we are finishing she allows her exterior roughness to fade as she rests her head on my chest giving thanks and I hold her briefly until everyone starts to run off again. Walking away with the Aaronic blessing, I am starting to cry but see little Isaac still running circles from the teachers, screaming profanity and crying. We catch each others eyes and I ask, “Do you know where your name comes from?”, “Yeah! It’s from the effing (adjusting the words in my writing) bible. Why do you care?!” “I care because of Jesus.” “Oh… I know Jesus doesn’t care about me…” he says with tears but no profanity but now I am crying and respond with, “Oh no… Jesus loves you sooo much and I am here to tell you that. Can we talk a moment?” “About what?” “Do you know the story about your name and what it means?” “No…”, he is softening and starting to move closer to me so that we can talk and then the teachers came towards him again and he darted but accepted a bench with them while the whole group prepares to go back.

Seeing that this was out of my hands I paused and asked the Lord to be with him and protect him and I continued the walk around the lake with my child who was in my arms the entire time. We talk a little bit about everything and both agree that we will pray for him but as the day continued I just kept crying about this little boy who is so hurt and scared as I just kept asking the Lord to keep him and bring him in.

I know this is already a longer post but if you have the time I would like to take things a little further. Did you ever hear these words, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out.”, whether by your own parents or from other parents of children? There is so much wrong and backwards about all of this and what I continue with my be triggering to some but I feel incredibly encouraged to discuss this. I know that this world is tough and I know that circumstances are not always the best but I also know that we are not God and it is not up to us to bring or take life. Please stay with me.

Parents, we are shepherds and role models for these little ones. God makes the decision that a soul is to be birthed and from what I can see… we are to raise up to His calling. What do I mean by this? It seems like a lot of times that parents think/act in the way that says, I was here first so you need conform to me and my life. But, isn’t it God’s life? We are only alive and given life because He saw that He needed to add you in some form to His great awesome image of all that is His. Yes, we do and will always have free will to make those chooses because He loves us that much but, I know that one of His greatest desires is for His children to choose Him. I believe that often times He gives us children to wake us up – wake us up to some of the ways He has called to us, wake us up to the ways we are living and put another life before our own, wake up to the disfunctions of the world and turn to Him as He is the greatest Father ever and made us to do life with Him.

This topic of being a parent has been very personal for me and it has been weaved along through a lot of these posts and revelations as I know the importance from my own personal childhood and into parenthood. Everything that we are and do influences those that we have been entrusted to care for and help live life too. The music we listen to, the words we speak, how we react or respond to adversities and blessings, how we dress, address others and what we allow to influence us and them is all hugely important and worth every bit of discernment and choosing. Where that child got such terrible words to say, I have no idea but it hurt to hear him scream them knowing that he has heard them and felt them which brought him to use them in this painful moment of fear in his heart and existence. Hearing, “I’m a grown “a” woman and I can do what I want…” and knowing that even those words were influencing the way the oldest daughter was dressing. No one wants to hear that we are selfish because we all know that it has bad connotations to it; but, honestly how many parents are able to ask themselves if they are being selfish in how they are and how they parent? Is what is being shown showing unconditional love or love that is conditioned by the fact that the child is a dependent? I know these are tough questions, I don’t take any of it lightly and I also know that I have sat many times wondering about a lot of these things as well. I personally made a commitment to God early in my pregnancy that I knew that this was His child and that I would raise the child for Him. He has been my doctor, helper, leader and friend along with my Father and I am constantly in awe and surrender to Him knowing that there is no way I am or will without Him.

Seeing how much I have faced, cleansed and healed from in order to even be what I am today is so huge and there is still so much to come I know. I know that everyone is doing there best and that being a parent is so very triggering and personal – we have no idea what each of us are facing as we also face these little ones that we know we are humanly responsible for and the ways we have to face our own selves through the process as well – it is tough, for real. And while that is all true and real… we are not supposed to be alone through it as Christ Jesus is ready for us at any given moment that we want to cry out for help. I won’t begin to state how He does it as I honestly do not know the full details of it all but somehow He, His angels and or His Holy Presence meet us (all of us) where we are and give what is needed and then some.

Tying it all together, I will ask: Are you willing to be uncomfortable in order to be of greater service for His world or do you choose your own comforts of the world? Have your felt Him call you to step aside from something for something greater than you might see at the moment? And. Are you aware of just how important you and your choices are?

Just a walk in the park…